Am I nervous?

A friend asked me today, "why do you get so nervous sometimes?".

When Egyptians use the word "nervous" in English, it includes "frustrated", "agitated", "upset" and similar words.

So, why am I that way sometimes? Lately, I've been trying to blame it on the heat. But that's not all of it. I could also explain it by saying that even though I'm staying in a nice apartment right now, I feel unsettled b/c I don't know where I'll be living for my last couple of months here. Yes, that's part...

But I think that the biggest thing getting to me right now is that for most of my time here in Egypt, I put the U.S. behind me and concentrated on things here. While doing that, I didn't compare the 2 places unless people asked me specific questions.

Now...I think about America a lot. I think about being back, seeing people, going places, job-hunting, and just living. I'm trying to enjoy things here in Egypt while I am still here, but it's hard right now. It's something like a "senior slump", maybe. It's been a great few years, but now it's coming to an end.

This is bringing up lots of feelings that I've been unconsciously or subconsciously pushing down. It seems like they're starting to come out more often than they should and in negative ways. *frown* I don't like to feel this way or to act the way I do sometimes with friends/students.

I think I just need to remember that I don't have to act this way and that I can change how I express these feelings. Maybe I just need to start talking about how I feel that I am behind on so many things when it comes to American life. Of course, not everything I've missed out on was good, but I think I'm starting to understand the possibilty for a "left behind" feeling when volunteers return after being gone for an extended period of time.